You probably think you know everything about cities. But Lisbon isn’t just a city. It’s a cunning trap for unsuspecting tourists who dream of a peaceful vacation. Are you ready for a seemingly harmless trip to turn into a real test for your figure, self-esteem, and liver?
If you haven’t changed your mind yet – read on. But don’t say you weren’t warned! This is about a city that will literally pull you into its Portuguese-charming nets, from which it won’t be easy to escape.
Warning! Dangerous information!
You definitely shouldn’t go here. Absolutely no one. There are several good reasons why!
You’ll get fat
Yes, in just a week you’ll get very fat from the amount of fresh, delicious pastries. Ice cream, buns, cakes… You see, they’re not going to stop and are opening more and more places with magnificent desserts that you can’t walk past.
You’ll build up your butt and legs
This is also true. You can’t even imagine how hilly the streets are here! Think ten times before going! It’s very dangerous; during your walk, you’ll inevitably build up your legs and butt. Do you really need that?
Fruits and Vegetables
And this seems illegal. Why is everything so delicious at the market and in the stores? Why do tomatoes taste like tomatoes? Why? If you decide to eat, be careful. You might get an allergy if you’re not used to it! Pfff, melon that tastes like melon!
Too much coffee
Is it normal that you can get good coffee at any “dive”? I don’t think so; coffee is addictive, and that’s very harmful. Think about your health.
The Ocean
I don’t know if comments are needed here. It’s always windy by the water. When you stand on the edge of a cliff and look at the endless blue horizon, you’re one step away from falling! It’s not about beauty anymore. You don’t need it, I’m telling you!
People
They often smile and are always ready to help you. You feel out of place when you ask for directions, and the señora doesn’t speak English but still shows you how to go. You don’t understand a word! You should have just stayed in your room and not made that mistake.
Azulejo
These strange tiles on all the houses, they look original in the kitchen, but why hang them on houses? The memory on your phone fills up very quickly because you’re photographing every new pattern. Why so many different ones?
Viewpoints
All over the city! Whether you want to or not, you’ll find one. They make your head spin!
Antiquity
Lisbon is an old, very old city. Trams still run here! Old ones, by the way. They look like they’re about to fall apart, especially given the number of people who want to ride them!
Alcohol
There’s no way around it, you’ll become an alcoholic by the end of your vacation. Wine, port, ginjinha, liqueurs… Of course, everything is cheap so that you’ll definitely fall into this trap. I warned you!
Of course, these aren’t all the reasons why you shouldn’t stick your nose in Lisbon. But we hope you understand what awaits you if you decide to buy a ticket here.
Last warning
That’s it, dear travelers. You’ve read this article, which means you’re already partly infected with the Lisbon magic virus. Don’t be surprised if tomorrow you suddenly find yourself signing up for Portuguese courses, buying one-way tickets, and dreaming of a rented apartment with a view of the ocean.
Lisbon isn’t just a city. It’s a sentence for your measured way of life. It will take your heart, empty your wallet, and leave only crazy memories and a desire to return. Consider yourself warned. And if not – welcome to Portugal, daredevils!
P.S. Don’t say you didn’t know what you were getting into!
